I Don't Want To Be A Pirate!!!

The worst puppy day of the year. Not only do kids come and ring the doorbell and dress strange and get treats, but we get dressed up in all sorts of goofy outfits (and get laughed at)! And begging for treats is our gig!

I don't want to be a court jester or a bumble bee either! Is it Thanksgiving yet???

(Special guest post from Couper and Godiva)

Spoiled and Spoileder

Today, we shall learn the definitions of two words; spoiled and spoileder.

Spoiled:
Below are the presents that Couper got for his birthday...

A pretty nice haul (and nicely packaged I might add). Just to prove that they got the presents, here are Couper and Godiva opening one...

Spoiled puppies.



Spoileder:

Here are two puppies the next day.

I could not figure out what in the world they wanted on the computer room table. There was nothing up there for puppies. No toys. No bones. No yummies. Despite picking them up and showing them there was nothing there for them, they kept going to the table and whining (Godiva) or jumping (Couper).

Finally, I figured out what they were after:

Admidst all the clutter (and dachshund merchandise) is a bag that we had gotten a month or so before from Sur La Table. It had been on the desk for a couple of weeks. However, since they had gotten presents in gift bags the day before, Couper and Godiva decided that this must be a lost present (because obviously they had not gotten enough the day before).

Spoileder puppies. (Maybe spoiledest puppies, though I am not sure that is actually a word).

Happy 9th Birthday Little Buddy!!!

Happy 9th Birthday to our founder and inspiration, Couper.

So, not to get off subject, but we are in a bit of an economic mess in this country right now. A lot of smart people have a lot of smart ideas about how to get us out of it. The smart folks on the left say, tax the rich and the government will use the money to create jobs. The smart folks on the right say, cut taxes and companies will use the savings to create jobs. The dumb-ass dachshund blogger says, have everyone get a dachshund. It can happen through taxes and government give-aways. It can happen through tax cuts and private incentives. I don't care. Just get a dachshund in everyone's hands. Then, once a year, that dachshund will have a birthday. And the dachshund owner will go to four stores and spend triple digit dollars on birthday presents. I mean, look at those eyes in the picture above. Are you not going to get him lots and lots of birthday presents? And the genius of this solution is that it is not a one time or limited time solution. This is no holiday rush. No Black Friday. Multiple dachshund birthdays every day of the year. Economic crisis solved. Now who is the dumb-ass and who is the smart folk?

Anyhow, we may have gone a bit overboard on presents for Couper's birthday (and as Couper's Mommy reminds me, by "we", I mean "I"). But, it must be a special birthday, because the Beatles couldn't stop singing chanting about it:




Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9

Happy Birthday Little Buddy!!!

Little Buddy and Diverdoodle: A Dachsund By Any Other Name...

You knew it would only be a matter of time before we started quoting Shakespeare (“They’re booing Shakespeare”).

Couper and Godiva’s Gamma Mommy was in town last week and was confounded when Godiva’s Mommy said to Godiva, “Come on in Diverdoodle”. “What did you call her?” “Diverdoodle.” “How long have you been calling her that?”

We don’t even think about it, but we have been calling her that, among other things forever. Same with Couper. Somehow nicknames appear and evolve.

So, let’s look at our dogs’ various names:
Couper

Couper:
Origin: Coupe.
Originator: Couper’s Mommy
Story: We are Couper’s third family. In his second family, he was called Frank. That name was out, because Couper’s Mommy’s brother has a dachshund named Frankie. Calling the new dachshund Frank would be confusing and derivative. Couper’s first family called him Coupe, so, after much deliberation (and a few days of calling him, “Hey You”), Couper’s Mommy (not her name until after Couper was named by the way), decided we should add the “r” and call him Couper.

Coupe
Origin: Couper (Circular reference alert!!!)
Originator: Couper’s Mommy and Big Buddy
Story: Short for Couper, though not that much shorter.

Little Buddy
Origin: Not sure.
Originator: Big Buddy (not my name until I started calling Couper “Little Buddy”)
Story: I really do not know where Little Buddy came from. The Gilligan’s Island connotation (Skipper’s name for Gilligan for the uncultured) always kind of bothered me, so it wasn’t that (at least I didn’t call him “Lovey” - Mr. Howell’s name for Mrs. Howell, as if you did not know). I started calling Couper “Little Buddy” very early, so it was probably me desperately trying to confirm that we were friends; “Are you my Little Buddy?” Eventually, I would use Little Buddy as a name and I became Big Buddy (because I am taller and weigh more).

Little Bud (or Lil’ Bud)
Origin: Little Buddy (see above)
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: Nothing much here. Little Buddy is an absurd four syllables. Little Bud is three. Lil’ Bud is two. When it comes to syllables, three or two is much greater than four. Therefore, Little Bud is our most used moniker for Couper.

Little Buddy Biscuit
Origin: Little Buddy (see above) and Seabiscuit
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: After watching the movie Seabiscuit, I made the comment that the movie was fine, but it would be 100 times better if it was about a racing dachshund instead of a race horse (by the way, I routinely make the same statement about all movies; ET? better with a dachshund; Jaws? dachshund; Apollo 13? dachshund). I proposed Little Buddy for the lead and re-naming it “Little Buddy Biscuit”. Couper’s Gamma Buddy really took to this idea and still calls him “Little Buddy Biscuit” on occasion all these years later.

Couper Knute (pronounced Ka-nute)
Origin: Couper’s Great Granddaddy Mommy, Knute
Originator: Couper’s Mommy
Story: Couper is stubborn. Couper’s Mommy’s grandfather Knute was stubborn. As a tribute to stubbornness, Couper got a last name. For years Couper’s Mommy called him Couper Knute, but I had no idea why. I figured it was alliteration. As you will see, these names do not need to make any sense. Finally, one day out of the blue, she explained it to me. To this day, however, I have no idea why Knute (which to me is associated with Knute Rocknie - and pronounced “Nute”) is pronounced “Ka-Nute”. Regardless, ICouper Ka-Nute, sounds better than Couper Nute.

Cuepa (Pronounced Cue-pa)
Origin: Couper’s 3 year old human cousin Hanna’s pronunciation of Couper
Story: You would guess that Hanna is from Brooklyn or Boston, or someplace that eliminates the letter R from the end of words. Hanna is 7 now. I do not believe she has ever been east of the Mississippi. If she has, she could probably skip a rock on the Mississippi from there. But somehow, she came up with the ultimate East Coast pronunciation for Couper. As a native New Yorker, I am very jealous.

Killer

Origin: Couper like to bark

Originator: Couper's Gamma Mommy's neighbor

Story: When the neighbor of Couper's Gamma Mommy would see Couper, Couper would bark at her as he does with everyone who comes to the door. Amusing to the neighbor, she started calling him Killer when he was having his fit. For her, that name stuck.

Godiva

Godiva
Origin: Chocolate
Originator: Godiva’s Mommy
Story: Godiva’s Mommy (then - and still - named Couper’s Mommy) always wanted a female Chocolate Lab and wanted to call her Godiva. When we got Couper, and half a million dollars worth of dachshund paraphernalia, I put my foot down on buying a different breed of dog. Especially one as popular a lab, which likely has 5 times the paraphernalia as dachshunds (which translates to us buying $2.5M in merchandise). There was no way we could afford that. When we found the ad for dachshund puppies, there were two female choices. I’m not saying we selected a puppy based on her colors and a pre-chosen name, but Godiva was white, light brown, and dark brown (white chocolate, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate - though Godiva’s Mommy does not like that analogy). Her sister, our other choice that night, was grey and black. You do the math.

Godiver
Origin: Cuepa (see Couper’s section above)
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: Refusing to be outdone by a 5 year old Las Vegas native, I immediately added the East Coast R to a name ending with A. I got all my East Coast street cred back with this one.(My favorite TV show? Lore and Outta)

Diver
Origin: Godiver
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: Short for Godiver

Diveroo
Origin: Godiver shortened to Diver and Howard Cosell
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: Back in the mid 80’s Nightline had a special edition where they looked at the problems with college sports. Like a lot of Nightline special editions, nothing came of it. The same problems from 25 years ago are still problems. However, one of their guests was the one and only Howard Cosell. Remarking on the decline and fall of college athletics he said the following about then Notre Dame head basketball coach Digger Phelps: “and in South Bend, they are even booing the Diggeroo”. Now this line is great on like a thousand levels. But mostly because he took a person’s popular nickname, Digger (given name Richard), and upped that into a nickname that nobody else used, Diggeroo, to make himself sound like he was closer to Digger than you could ever be. Anyhow, for years after that, I enjoyed adding “roo” to people’s names. So, years later, when Godiva turned into Diver, it was inevitable that Diver turned into Diveroo.

Diverdoo
Origin: Diveroo and alliteration?
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: Not sure on this one. Maybe Diveroo needed more alliteration, so another d was added? One way or another, this turned out to be the name we use for her the most.

Diverdoodle
Origin: Diverdoo
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: As long as we are going to give our puppy girl a name that has almost no bearing to her actual name, might as well add an “odle” to it.

Diverdon’t
Origin: Diverdoo and Potty Issues
Originator: Big Buddy/Godiva’s Mommy
Story: When she poops and/or pees when we want her to, she is a Diverdoo. When she screws around looking for lizards or gets distracted by sound and does not pee or poop (which happens way more often than not), she is a Diverdon’t

Mischief
Origin: Godiva is full of it sometimes
Originator: Godiva’s Mommy
Story: When Godiva gets into trouble, her mommy tells her, “We should have called you mischief, because that is what you are”

Sprinkles
Origin: Godiva like to roll around in mesquite tree leaves
Originator: Big Buddy
Story: We have an artificial turf putting green in the back yard. Artificial turf sounds pretty maintenance free, but we have two mesquite trees that hang over the turf. Mesquite trees drop stuff 10 and a half months of the year, not the least of which are their little leaves. When Godiva goes outside, no matter how badly she need to go potty, she will find a patch of turf with mesquite leaves and roll around in them. When she gets up, the leaves stick to her body like sprinkles on ice cream. Therefore, Sprinkles.


I am sure there are more for both Couper and Godiva. As I said to start this post, way back when, we don’t even think about the names we use for them. Who knows what else we call Dinky and Farthead.

Happy 3rd Birthday Godiva!!!

Happy third birthday to our little puppy girl Godiva!

According to one independent expert, three is when dachshund puppy girls grow up. We have been counting down the days. Gone are the days of 2AM wake-up calls and eating beds and chewing toes (human's and Mr. Hiney's) and whining incessantly for dinner. Finally we can leave our dirty socks on the floor where they belong. The laundry hamper is going back to IKEA! Yup, we're going to really enjoy the new Godiva and it all starts today...because it sure wasn't that way yesterday.

No matter what, we wish Godiva the happiest birthday ever (it better be, we spent enough on presents and cards). She may even get an extra bellyrub out of the deal.

(Fun added bellyrub update. When Godiva wants a bellyrub in the morning, I make her wait until I am out of the shower, dried off, and dressed. The last part of the equation is putting my pants on. So, if she is not in the room, I will call for her, "Godiva, I'm putting my pants on" and she comes running down the hall. The last couple of days, whenever I am putting on pants, morning, changing after work, putting on pajamas at night, Godiva thinks that is bellyrub time. When she sees pants, she runs up the stairs to the bed and rolls over. And of course, I give in. This of course wouldn't be an issue if we lived in a pants-free society as I have been lobbying for since the late '80's. Damn societal hang ups.)

Bellyrub (Pop) Do Do Do Do

Godiva has a new passion. Not that she has outgrown her old ones. She still enjoys stealing socks, or dryer sheets, or towels and running around the living room with them (By the way, I think the reason she always brings them to the living room is so she can be chased around the sofas and escape under the tables. She rarely takes anything she is allowed to have in there. So when we see her half-hidden behind a sofa on the floor of the living room, we have a pretty good idea something’s up). She also still enjoys chasing lizards and biting toes. Her new passion is a little less destructive. She loves bellyrubs.

Now, Couper loves bellyrubs too. All dogs love bellyrubs. However, Godiva takes it to the next level. Where Couper will roll over for a bellyrub, within a minute, whether having gotten a bellyrub or not, he will say (metaphorically of course), “That’s enough of that, let’s play” and get up to do something else. Godiva, on the other hand, will just lie on her back forever waiting for and/or receiving a bellyrub.

Godiva’s patience waiting for a bellyrub is amazing. Let’s say I am in the den on the computer. She will come in, whine, roll over on her back, and look up at me saying (again, metaphorically), “Hey you, here I am! Bellyrub time!!!” The amazing part is that I can go out of the room, make a sandwich, come back, and there she is in the same spot in the same position. Well, that’s not true, if I made a sandwich, she would come out to see if she was getting something to eat too. Bad example. Change make a sandwich with do laundry. Uh, no, bad example again. She would come out looking for stray socks. But anything else I would leave the room to do, when I come back, there she is on her back waiting for a bellyrub.

When Godiva gets a bellyrub, she is equally as patient. She will lie there as I rub away. After a while, my arm or hand gets tired. She will wait for me to switch hands. After a while longer, I will get tired of bellyrubbing entirely. She just lies there and looks at me with those big puppy eyes. Eventually I get scared that I am going to rub away all the tummy tissue and see her exposed intestines; like the old Operation game, but with a live dachshund.

And that’s all well and good except that she likes to get a bellyrub in the morning as I am getting ready to go to work. Not being a morning person, that task is difficult in and of itself. I don’t have 20 spare minutes to give Godiva the bellyrub that she wants. But there she is, morning after morning, waiting for me on the bed while I get dressed. Knowing that we will be gone all day makes it all the more difficult to say no to her pathetic, and cute, plea. So, I came up with a game. While giving her a bellyrub, I sing her two verses of the Bellyrub Song. At the end of the Bellyrub Song, I yell, “Yay!!!” and that’s the end of that.

What’s the Bellyrub Song you ask? It is the old “Lollypop” song with bellyrub subbed in:

Bellyrub bellyrub oh belly belly rub

Bellyrub bellyrub oh belly belly rub

Bellyrub bellyrub oh belly belly rub

Bellyrub

(Pop)

Do do do do

(repeat from the top)

Yay!!!

I am not sure how I came up with it, but it is genius (except that I can’t do the proper mouth pop, so it is more like a cluck than a pop – she doesn’t seem to mind). She gets a bellyrub and we are done in a minute or so (that is why I made the Bellyrub Song to the tune of Lollypop, not Stairway to Heaven). Better yet, she seems to like the “Yay” celebration most of all. When she hears that, she hops in one motion from her back to her feet (by far the most athletic thing she does), leaps off the bed with her tail wagging 1000 wags per minute, and sprints to tell Couper and her Mommy that she got a bellyrub. You have never seen anybody more excited about anything. Sometimes she is so anxious to get to the celebration that she tries to take off after only one verse of the Bellyrub Song. I have to hold her down for the second verse, because I feel it is only fair to her (not to mention I enjoy the sound of my own singing voice). Whatever, it works and with our demanding little Godiva, that's all that matters. Not to mention it is secretly my favorite part of the day (don't tell anyone).